Love, they say, serves as an inspiration. Perhaps, it is
true but somehow it also serves as distraction with the help of cell phones,
lovers could communicate anytime even in class or at work. They ignore their
teacher or set aside their work. And when the time comes that either of them says
that it’s finally over, the ecstatic, 'I’m in the cloud 9’ feeling will be gone
and you will be left in your most devastated state. But tell you what, it’s
normal and there are ways on how you can cope up.
To tell you the truth, I‘ve been in a relationship just
thrice. So in this little thing called love, I am the one you can call neophyte
(but I am not labeling anyone with this and so are you. What I am pointing out
is I am inexperience in this field or simply, love is not my element). Love is
a very big word for me. But that would not keep me from writing this love
advice (unsolicited advice, for that matter). I am pretty sure, you’re familiar
with the 5 stages of heartbreak and that’s what I am going to write about. Let me
tell you this, I believe love is just a cycle. You fall in love, get hurt,
fall out of love then fall in love again. That’s how it goes. Well, the first
stage of heartbreak is…
Denial
I could tell that everyone or anyone is
entitled to deny something when it can hurt him or her. (Masakit kaya ang
masaktan!) And aside from your heart that’s been badly hurt, there goes your
mind because you chose to use your heart over your brain and so you refused to
be rational. Another is your big, precious ego and pride. S/he broke your heart
but what hurts is the fact that you were DUMPED for someone else or worst, for
something else.
Deny that
you’re being replaced. Perhaps by a dog, monkey, Dota, or whatsoever.
Deny that you just have been dumped. Perhaps,
right from the start (s/he was thief, s/he stole your heart and you’re the
willing victim – Just Give Me a Reason by Pink) s/he never love you.
Deny that s/he’s no longer attracted to
you. Perhaps, s/he found somebody new and that someone is way, way different
from you like she, now, prefers, a SHE and he for a HE. (CONFLICT of INTEREST).
If you can no longer contain your emotion,
bare your heart to anyone. To a stranger would do and after that you can watch
that stranger go away as you let go bits and pieces of the memories that hurt
you. Just release those pent up emotions you’ve been repressing. Time can help
heal the wounds but remember this, your wounds can only be healed if you decide
to be cured. Don’t be too abrupt in forgetting. Take it gradually.
Anger
There are ways to release anger. (1) scream
at the top of your lungs, (2) throw things away, (3) cry all night, (4) eat a
lot, (5) hurt that someone who hurt you. But I think the best way is to find
something that interest you and can divert your attention. It is somehow effective
to the people who do not have stubborn minds.
Bargaining
This time, you’re thinking about your next
move. Will you beg him/her to take you back or just continue moving on? Will you
avenge yourself or just let it go. It’s like weighing your options and the
possibilities. If you ask him/her to take you back and be rejected again, there’s
a possibility that you go back to stage 1 again. If you choose to avenge
yourself, think many times if you will feel happy seeing that someone who hurt
you feeling the same hurt that you felt. If it will make you happy, then go on.
If not, then don’t!
Depression
You are indecisive. You love him/her but
s/he chose to leave you behind and live a life without you. Just feel the
depression until finally you’ll get tired and finally learn to accept the
reality. Eventually, you’ll heal. And remember, it is not always sunny day or rainy
day. You’ll pass that ‘leave me alone’ state. And if there are people reaching
out for you, don’t be a hypocrite, let them help you. REMEMBER, you can run but
you can never always hide.
Acceptance
Reality bites, really. That’s how life goes. But
you will not feel happy if you will not accept the things that you cannot
change. It is change that is permanent and so whether you like it or not,
things will change. The way s/he treats you will change and everything’s
change. Just go on with the flow. You can’t afford to drown. Why complicate? Difficult
as is seems but it will move you forward.
I am not pretending to be Miss-Know-It-All. It is just, let
say, based on my own perspectives. Love is a gamble. You win. You lose. Whether
you end up a loser or a winner, still, think that you’ve experienced to be
loved and cared. Just think of this, whatever bad things happening in your
life, there are other people who have the same sentiments like you or maybe,
far worst that you. And don’t ever forget! DON’T! Take it as a lesson. So that,
you’ll be careful the next time. And lastly, don’t forgive if you’re not yet
ready to forgive. Do not force yourself and forgive yourself first before
others. Don’t forget to turn to your friends or parents, they are good therapists,
you’ll see.
