Five Stages of Heartbreak

Love, they say, serves as an inspiration. Perhaps, it is true but somehow it also serves as distraction with the help of cell phones, lovers could communicate anytime even in class or at work. They ignore their teacher or set aside their work. And when the time comes that either of them says that it’s finally over, the ecstatic, 'I’m in the cloud 9’ feeling will be gone and you will be left in your most devastated state. But tell you what, it’s normal and there are ways on how you can cope up.

To tell you the truth, I‘ve been in a relationship just thrice. So in this little thing called love, I am the one you can call neophyte (but I am not labeling anyone with this and so are you. What I am pointing out is I am inexperience in this field or simply, love is not my element). Love is a very big word for me. But that would not keep me from writing this love advice (unsolicited advice, for that matter). I am pretty sure, you’re familiar with the 5 stages of heartbreak and that’s what I am going to write about. Let me tell you this, I believe love is just a cycle. You fall in love, get hurt, fall out of love then fall in love again. That’s how it goes. Well, the first stage of heartbreak is…

Denial

I could tell that everyone or anyone is entitled to deny something when it can hurt him or her. (Masakit kaya ang masaktan!) And aside from your heart that’s been badly hurt, there goes your mind because you chose to use your heart over your brain and so you refused to be rational. Another is your big, precious ego and pride. S/he broke your heart but what hurts is the fact that you were DUMPED for someone else or worst, for something else.

Deny that you’re being replaced. Perhaps by a dog, monkey, Dota, or whatsoever.

Deny that you just have been dumped. Perhaps, right from the start (s/he was thief, s/he stole your heart and you’re the willing victim – Just Give Me a Reason by Pink) s/he never love you.

Deny that s/he’s no longer attracted to you. Perhaps, s/he found somebody new and that someone is way, way different from you like she, now, prefers, a SHE and he for a HE. (CONFLICT of INTEREST).

If you can no longer contain your emotion, bare your heart to anyone. To a stranger would do and after that you can watch that stranger go away as you let go bits and pieces of the memories that hurt you. Just release those pent up emotions you’ve been repressing. Time can help heal the wounds but remember this, your wounds can only be healed if you decide to be cured. Don’t be too abrupt in forgetting. Take it gradually.

Anger

There are ways to release anger. (1) scream at the top of your lungs, (2) throw things away, (3) cry all night, (4) eat a lot, (5) hurt that someone who hurt you. But I think the best way is to find something that interest you and can divert your attention. It is somehow effective to the people who do not have stubborn minds.

Bargaining

This time, you’re thinking about your next move. Will you beg him/her to take you back or just continue moving on? Will you avenge yourself or just let it go. It’s like weighing your options and the possibilities. If you ask him/her to take you back and be rejected again, there’s a possibility that you go back to stage 1 again. If you choose to avenge yourself, think many times if you will feel happy seeing that someone who hurt you feeling the same hurt that you felt. If it will make you happy, then go on. If not, then don’t!

 Depression

You are indecisive. You love him/her but s/he chose to leave you behind and live a life without you. Just feel the depression until finally you’ll get tired and finally learn to accept the reality. Eventually, you’ll heal. And remember, it is not always sunny day or rainy day. You’ll pass that ‘leave me alone’ state. And if there are people reaching out for you, don’t be a hypocrite, let them help you. REMEMBER, you can run but you can never always hide.

 Acceptance

Reality bites, really. That’s how life goes. But you will not feel happy if you will not accept the things that you cannot change. It is change that is permanent and so whether you like it or not, things will change. The way s/he treats you will change and everything’s change. Just go on with the flow. You can’t afford to drown. Why complicate? Difficult as is seems but it will move you forward.

I am not pretending to be Miss-Know-It-All. It is just, let say, based on my own perspectives. Love is a gamble. You win. You lose. Whether you end up a loser or a winner, still, think that you’ve experienced to be loved and cared. Just think of this, whatever bad things happening in your life, there are other people who have the same sentiments like you or maybe, far worst that you. And don’t ever forget! DON’T! Take it as a lesson. So that, you’ll be careful the next time. And lastly, don’t forgive if you’re not yet ready to forgive. Do not force yourself and forgive yourself first before others. Don’t forget to turn to your friends or parents, they are good therapists, you’ll see.

Daydreaming. No more!

In some ways, I am like Carrie. We both have curly hair (sort of!). Both don't have mother (I lost my mom when I was seventeen). Both have a bitchy-bitch sister and a loving father.Just like her I have a lot of dreams, from small to big, from simple to complex. Right now, I'm starting to realize all my dreams, many of my dreams. I can't say enough about me and Carrie's resemblances 'cause I've watched only a part. Perhaps, I could tell you what my dreams are. I feel sick whenever I think of my dreams not coming true so I try so hard to realize how would I achieve my dreams. Dreams. Dreams. Dreams.

1. This year, be a teacher. (It's coming true now and in few months time, I will be.)

2. My target five years from now is to have my masteral and after that is doctorate.

3. I want to put up businesses. (Take note! Plural.)

4. Photographer

5. Writer/Blogger

6. Travel the world

7. Thespian (My very big dream)

8. And top of it all, I WANT TO BE MYSELF!

You are probably wondering how would I take these things to reality or I am just mistaken? Maybe it's me who is wondering. That is what I am trying to figure out. First thing, perhaps, is to avoid relationships at the moment. As much as possible, emotion should never overshadow reason because I know 'you are trouble when you walk in'. So for now, sacrifice. I may seem so ambitious but for me, it's natural.

 

Add me up on my facebook, just click this link! :)

CRAM Brulee

I am done with my demo teaching! Yahey! So happy (and pretty and witty and bright -- got hooked by the movie 'Anger Management'). It was a mixed of emotions. I felt happy, elated, disappointed, sad and proud. Yes, I am proud of myself. It's an achievement. I am asked to stand in front of the grade 6 pupils and I did. I made it.

Hours before the supposed demo, I was cramming and I hate it. But despite of the cramming, I did not feel nervous and I don't know why (I think I am no longer normal! That's cool!). Just confused. What's really abnormal about me is that I’m thinking I’m nervous, when in fact, I’m not (that's not cool! I'm being neurotic, ain't I?).

During the demo, I’m still cool but a bit tired so I prayed (thank you Lord for staying beside me). It was so fast! One moment, I was cramming and then later, I'm done. I am also glad that I did not receive very negative, downright comments from pushy D! But I do felt dissatisfied with my performance. I know I can do better than that. Anyways, there's always a next time.

After the demo, I had to attend my Monday class which is Inorganic Chem. I'm so exhausted to function that is why I could not absorb the lesson so when we had a quiz, all I could answer was 'what is asked and what are the given'.

Happy Yuletide!

I curled my legs and put my chin on my knees as the Christmas breeze blew. No, it's not yet December and probably not yet Christmas but for us, Filipinos, September is the start of our long celebration of Yuletide Season.

A picture taken during our batch first ever reunion.

To write this, I have to find an inspiration which I am seeing right now. Across our house is a house decorated with Christmas lights and lanterns (we don't have christmas lights, lanterns, christmas tree and snow -- something we can't really have since the last time I checked, Philippines is still located near the equator giving it a tropical climate).

Aside from my birthday and New Year, Christmas is one of my most favorite occasions 'cause it leaves me with good and bad memories. Times when I have to repeatedly use the bathroom to ease my troubled stomach. Times when I have to stop indulging myself with delicious treats 'cause my tooth or teeth is/are already aching. But what I really miss are the people who I spent Christmas with. My cousins, my titos and titas, my lolo and lolas, my friends and my mom. Foods, gifts and their presence are the things that I'm looking forward to. This December, I will try to find time to be reunited again with them.

just me, GIAN MARIEL and i

Since I'm new to this blogging world, I want to start of my blog with a little introduction of myself. You might not feel interested but (whether you like it or not, you will like it) still I want you to know me since there's really none who knows the real me.

The real Gian loves to be under the spotlight. I want to be the center of attention not the center of humiliation for the reason that I'm strong and not because I'm weak. I don't want people pointing out my flaws moreover I am not that narrow-minded person. If you have the guts and can frankly tell it to me in an assertive or constructive manner, of course I would accept it and who knows, I might change. I'm just stubborn and not a hypocrite (both, SOMETIMES).

 I have more ups and downs than usual people I know. When little things get to my nerves, I get frustrated too quickly especially when I'm not in the mood. Normally, I get to get over things easily but not with skin-deep stuffs. They take me days, actually. Consequently, I hate when my carefully made plans are to be changed just because of others. The fact that I exerted effort, time and probably money, I should be given a good reason why I should change it or else I would not! (Oh! I got attitude prob. Who doesn't?) That is the reason why I'm better alone when doing schoolwork. I don't have to ask for others opinion and if something went wrong, I've got no one to blame but myself. Right?

Anyways, if things went wrong I always make sure that I have my ME TIME. And part of that me time is daydreaming, reading, listening to music, eating and thinking about random things. My me time prevents me from my 'oh-so-lost-moments' and allows me to explore things about me.

 My close friends know that I am a music lover and a frustrated singer. Also, I can play the lyre. I am trying (and still trying) to learn playing the guitar but I have really short attention span and usually I get so impatient and fidgety. Those are only few of my negative traits (admitted, I have many but at least I'm trying to work it out).

 Paris said that There's nothing wrong with wanting the best of both worlds. Yeah, agree. I can be very organize and at the same time unorganize. It doesn't usually bother me when my workplace is messy. Conventional and unconventional are also my traits. Really, I hate changes but if it would do good to me, why not? I am a chronic worrier. I get too paranoid everytime I arrive home and find out that my father is not yet home. These days, inside the house is probably the safest place in town (but not really! Gosh, what if maybe those bad guys would sneak out to your house while you are sleeping soundly? I don't want to think of the next).

At times I tend to be indecisive and dependent. I, usually, depend on my friends and my family when it comes to food I will eat, the clothes I will wear and buy. I do not like being highly dependent with others in terms of those things but what I feel when I'm not with them is like a phone without battery. However, I am doing my best to stand on my own feet anyways, it's not hard to do.

I fit in with some groups in our school but surprisingly I am not that friendly. If you would ask people about their first impression on me, there will always be answers such as mean, obnoxious, hard to be friends with and even bitch (I'm kinda bitch sometimes, and mean and obnoxious and hard to be friends with). I tend to be reserved and cautious about making friends with new people that is why I stick with my friends and classmates. Occasionally, you may find me talking to others but not really trusting.

I'm sort of a loner and a homebody. I spend most of my time watching television (probably, til the rest of my life). I watch random movies and TV programs. Aside from good movies and programs, I'm also into good plays, books, and music.

One word to describe me is UNPREDICTABLE. I'm like the weather. I want you to know that these are all about me however I didn't include every bits and pieces of information about me cause I want to leave something for myself. And if I included them all here, surely, we'll be all bored and disinterested. This just proves that people may know me but I know myself better. Pretty sure, some of you will raise their eyebrows but remember people, I'm not trying to please you.