Happy Last days of vacation!

I can’t recall anything that is recountable about my summer. All I can think of are the times when I received numerous disapprovals (disapproved but fighting), disappointments (disappointed but not defeated), rejections (rejected but undaunted) and you name it. This whole summer of mine is just full of frustrations. Summer full of whines and rants since I did not get my “dream” job (let me rectify this, it should be “ideal”) and that is to teach in Marian, to my former pupils in particular. Nevertheless, I still have a reason to be happy (not really happy, though). Last May 16, Sr. Meriam, finally, told me that I am hired. I did not feel the euphoria I am longing to feel, I just felt secured. Since the day I was hired, I felt absurd! I am to teach all the subjects for Grade III including Science, Filipino, Christian Living, MAPE, and Math! And those are not my forte. I think my job in St. Antoninus will be a lot different from Marian. But I promise myself I will try to get back to Marian and so I WILL BE BACK WITH A VENGEANCE.

PS

This summer is not a total waste. I attended several meeting of our review for the LET and I served as a pollwatcher during our election. And to make summer worthwhile, there’s no one or nothing, not even the memory of old resentments, can ever cease me from enjoying the rest of my vacation! You too should enjoy it. :)

Five Stages of Heartbreak

Love, they say, serves as an inspiration. Perhaps, it is true but somehow it also serves as distraction with the help of cell phones, lovers could communicate anytime even in class or at work. They ignore their teacher or set aside their work. And when the time comes that either of them says that it’s finally over, the ecstatic, 'I’m in the cloud 9’ feeling will be gone and you will be left in your most devastated state. But tell you what, it’s normal and there are ways on how you can cope up.

To tell you the truth, I‘ve been in a relationship just thrice. So in this little thing called love, I am the one you can call neophyte (but I am not labeling anyone with this and so are you. What I am pointing out is I am inexperience in this field or simply, love is not my element). Love is a very big word for me. But that would not keep me from writing this love advice (unsolicited advice, for that matter). I am pretty sure, you’re familiar with the 5 stages of heartbreak and that’s what I am going to write about. Let me tell you this, I believe love is just a cycle. You fall in love, get hurt, fall out of love then fall in love again. That’s how it goes. Well, the first stage of heartbreak is…

Denial

I could tell that everyone or anyone is entitled to deny something when it can hurt him or her. (Masakit kaya ang masaktan!) And aside from your heart that’s been badly hurt, there goes your mind because you chose to use your heart over your brain and so you refused to be rational. Another is your big, precious ego and pride. S/he broke your heart but what hurts is the fact that you were DUMPED for someone else or worst, for something else.

Deny that you’re being replaced. Perhaps by a dog, monkey, Dota, or whatsoever.

Deny that you just have been dumped. Perhaps, right from the start (s/he was thief, s/he stole your heart and you’re the willing victim – Just Give Me a Reason by Pink) s/he never love you.

Deny that s/he’s no longer attracted to you. Perhaps, s/he found somebody new and that someone is way, way different from you like she, now, prefers, a SHE and he for a HE. (CONFLICT of INTEREST).

If you can no longer contain your emotion, bare your heart to anyone. To a stranger would do and after that you can watch that stranger go away as you let go bits and pieces of the memories that hurt you. Just release those pent up emotions you’ve been repressing. Time can help heal the wounds but remember this, your wounds can only be healed if you decide to be cured. Don’t be too abrupt in forgetting. Take it gradually.

Anger

There are ways to release anger. (1) scream at the top of your lungs, (2) throw things away, (3) cry all night, (4) eat a lot, (5) hurt that someone who hurt you. But I think the best way is to find something that interest you and can divert your attention. It is somehow effective to the people who do not have stubborn minds.

Bargaining

This time, you’re thinking about your next move. Will you beg him/her to take you back or just continue moving on? Will you avenge yourself or just let it go. It’s like weighing your options and the possibilities. If you ask him/her to take you back and be rejected again, there’s a possibility that you go back to stage 1 again. If you choose to avenge yourself, think many times if you will feel happy seeing that someone who hurt you feeling the same hurt that you felt. If it will make you happy, then go on. If not, then don’t!

 Depression

You are indecisive. You love him/her but s/he chose to leave you behind and live a life without you. Just feel the depression until finally you’ll get tired and finally learn to accept the reality. Eventually, you’ll heal. And remember, it is not always sunny day or rainy day. You’ll pass that ‘leave me alone’ state. And if there are people reaching out for you, don’t be a hypocrite, let them help you. REMEMBER, you can run but you can never always hide.

 Acceptance

Reality bites, really. That’s how life goes. But you will not feel happy if you will not accept the things that you cannot change. It is change that is permanent and so whether you like it or not, things will change. The way s/he treats you will change and everything’s change. Just go on with the flow. You can’t afford to drown. Why complicate? Difficult as is seems but it will move you forward.

I am not pretending to be Miss-Know-It-All. It is just, let say, based on my own perspectives. Love is a gamble. You win. You lose. Whether you end up a loser or a winner, still, think that you’ve experienced to be loved and cared. Just think of this, whatever bad things happening in your life, there are other people who have the same sentiments like you or maybe, far worst that you. And don’t ever forget! DON’T! Take it as a lesson. So that, you’ll be careful the next time. And lastly, don’t forgive if you’re not yet ready to forgive. Do not force yourself and forgive yourself first before others. Don’t forget to turn to your friends or parents, they are good therapists, you’ll see.

Bittersweet Success of The Great Unknown

Obviously, the pictures are not chronologically arranged but it is not the issue here. The real issue is, finally, I can hang my diploma in our wall.

This picture was taken hours before my cousin arrived. I was like 'what do I do now?'. I was rattled, I could not even finish putting nail polish to my nails. 

Still not ready since I was not excited. Really...

Just taking pictures for the sake of the show.

I feel so messed up that day. I want to feel happy but I can't. I even thought of how will I act while singing our graduation song. 

My toga. 

I said, I wanted my hair curled. So it was curled. That's my cousin in red.

I didn't think that I wanted to graduate but I was so sure I wanted to wear this.

I've got two pairs of shoes that day 'cause I was so paranoid that I might suffer from wardrobe malfunction. I already have a fair-share of that when I was in highschool.

Invitation/programme

How do I look here? All smiles even if I was running late already.

I'm not yet ready. Still not ready to leave my I-Eucalyptus pupils.

All set. But I looked so fat.

With my friend, our magna cum laude, Carmela.

With my superfriends (L-R. Me, Merced, Carmela and Jess)

GenEds (L-R. Carmela, Janet, Merced, Aphril, Jess and Me)

I was with Teacher Merced with her cousins. The boy, Tranqy, was one of my pupils in Eucalyptus.

SuperFriends

Since I was in Elementary, it was my father who always accompanied me when I go up the stage. Perhaps the only time my mother accompanied me was when I was in Prep. I really, badly, wish that they both accompanied me when I went up the stage during our college graduation 'cause after all it is for them.

This was after the graduation. I felt so exhausted and I'm like 'why did they not let me hold the mic?'. I wanted to sing. HAHA. Though it would be a terrible thing.

With my batchmates (BEEds and BSEds)

(L-R. Valerie, Jon, Flor, Me and Abi)

Sick

This is Me with my cousin, Karen and my sister, Heidee.

My mom and my cousin, Sheryl. This photo is probably older than me.

It is me with my mother :)

I miss the old days. Especially when I was still a pretty messed up kid. :)

Jovaneh Angel

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